She'll Never Know

How to start? Well, I'll start by saying that life is too short. Make the best of it while you can. When you get my age, things that you should have said and done, or things you should not have said and done will haunt you the rest of your life. Now, the story. In junior high school, I met the most beautiful girl in the world. She had a smile that would melt your heart. How beautiful was she? I talked her into running for Prom Queen, and she won. I convinced myself I wasn't good enough for her, and that she deserved better than me. I was always in trouble, getting swats, fighting all the time, etc. I loved to bully the school bullies just to show them how it felt. Anyway, in the 1950's, things were different. Boys were supposed to act like a gentleman at all times and treat a woman like a lady, no matter who they were. The prom went good. But when it came time to dance, being raised in a Christian home, rock and roll and dancing was forbidden. I couldn't dance. I made up my mind I would learn how. So, I got a friend's sister to teach me. She called me that night, and we talked for three hours. At the next sock hop, she saw me dancing with her sister. When she got home that night, she called me. She was crying and saying that I had lied to her. I was dancing with another girl after telling her I couldn't dance. When I told her why, she started crying again, saying that's the sweetest thing she's ever heard. I guess I was to bashful back then to tell her how I felt. If I had to settle for her to be my friend, that's what it would be no matter how I felt. She put my ring on once. I wear a size twelve. It fit over two of her fingers. She looked hurt when I took it back. I should have let her wear it, even if it meant getting a whooping from dad. $60.00 was a lot of money back then. I made dates with her and ended up breaking them. I was afraid to get to close to her. We went on through high school the same way. She went to collage. I went in the Air Force. When I came home, I met a girl on a blind date. She was nice fun to be with. Then I found out she was fresh out of a foster home. She was being abused by her dad since the age of ten. She was fifteen when I met her. We got married a few months later. I was twenty. Right after we had gotten married, while she was pregnant with our first child, I met my school love in a store. She ran up to me screaming my name and throwing her arms around my neck. I didn't know what to do. I told her I was married and about to have a child. She ran off crying again. Seems that was the only thing I could do was hurt her. Well, my marriage only lasted five years. I had all four of the children to raise by myself. I called her and her mom answered the phone. She knew who I was even though I had never met her. She gave up on me and got married herself. Next thing I hear, she had cancer and died, never knowing how I felt about her. And now I can never tell her.

— Willy, 68

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