Feminine Inside

This section says men's confessions I am not sure my story shouldn't be in the women's area. For as long as I can remember I have had a woman inside of me and have actually been diagnosed with a gender dysphoria condition on two occasions. Two because I did not believe my own ears the first time, nor did I deal with the end result. I know now that I am certainly not alone with this sometimes gift, sometimes curse, depending on daily circumstances. My story is probably not too different from other men that should have been women. I began trying on my mother's panties, bras, slips in the basement as we had a finished basement with the laundry nearby. The half bathroom had a suspended ceiling so I would go to the laundry, grab her panties, and then wear them before and after my daily shower. From time to time, I would have to hide them in the ceiling if somebody else came downstairs. I actually thought I was getting away with this until many years later when my now much older Mom and Dad said they knew someone was a panty wearer and assumed it was my gay brother (since deceased and I miss him). Fast forward; I was married, widowed, raised three boys on my own, and never was able to stop dressing as I love everything about being a woman. I am now later on in my life and in a somewhat accepting relationship as I told my current partner before we got serious about my need to be a woman from time to time. Our relationship seems to be drifting to a long term friendship and I don't feel too bad in that I am now firmly convinced that my diagnosis is right on and eventually I will, in fact, become a woman. I am in counseling now with a gender therapist and, as soon as my youngest son gets his wings (he will be twenty), I am pretty sure I will be starting my several year long journey in womanhood. I go out now completely dressed and don't really pass, but also don't really care either if people think I am a freak. I am not; I am a loving caring partner, father, grandfather and father-in-law, but the cards I was dealt have to someday be played out. I am pretty sure my partner will leave me for another real man and I hope if that's what she wants, she finds somebody great because she is great. It will break my heart, but if I stay in denial it may not be the wise thing to do to her or us. Now that is a confession right?

— Jesse, 54

Love Library: Featured Articles