Affair

I am a healthy forty-four year old with a strong sexual appetite. Truth be told, I had my fair share of wild oats as a young single - including married women and even twin married sisters once (but not together). I knew I had to get married to a real knockout in order to stay faithful in marriage. I was lucky enough to meet the tall, gorgeous blond and now, eighteen years later (that's right, I married at twenty-six), we are blissfully happy. We had our moments and there were times I thought she might even be cheating on me because of the tensions during those times, but we have really grown strong over the years through thick and thin; which is why I am so racked with guilt. Recently, I started watching some porn on the internet. I wondered myself why I was suddenly going down this route and realized that my sex life was nowhere near the same. The wife was still as gorgeous, but since the birth of our last child three years ago, I guess it happened to her as it does to others. I'm a tolerant guy, so I suppose I just suppressed it; passive aggression? Of course, with the innovation of cell-phones you can get porn on that as well. It was 9:30 at night when I was sitting in my car in the quiet car park of a private hospital. I had just been to visit a friend. I don't know why, but I just decided to take out the phone and load up some porn then and there. And then, I started to give myself some relief while watching. I think I lost one life when there was a tap on my car window. I looked up and there was this thirty something lady standing there. I dropped my phone, turned to one side as though looking for something, covered myself back up, and then lowered the window. She just smiled and said, "Your lights were on, your engine was running for some time, and I just wanted to make sure there was someone inside and that you were okay." I nodded thanks and got ready to pull out. "I just finished my shift. If you want to come back inside with me, I can help finish you too." I was literally dizzy. Some strange woman offering herself to me; me being so excited, me being in the middle of nowhere, me always being faithful. I should just drive the hell out of there. She asked if I wanted her to put her nurses uniform back on. I said it wasn't necessary, but she was wearing her nurses little hat anyway for much of the next hour when I took her in a side office in every conceivable position. She wasn't stunning, but she was pleasant looking. She wasn't super slim, but she wasn't fat either and her butt was to die for. But, she did know how to have sex like it was nobody's business. Turns out she is married and very frustrated with a husband always abroad. She has occasional affairs here and there, but this, she said, was her most erotic experience ever. I went home and felt physically sick! When I should have been feeling high, I was wracked with guilt and felt like vomiting. The next day, I was in a haze. Did I just throw away eighteen wonderful years? Worse still, she called me for an encore (why the hell did I give her my number?) and I have driven past the hospital again a few times purposely, but never had the guts to go in. But I know she is there and I could go back any time. Thing is, I go back again and there will be no going back on my marriage. This all happened three weeks ago. Every day is a struggle of conscience.

— Jim, 44

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