Painting With Benefits

Twenty-five years back, I had helped my wife's aunt paint her back room and hall. I had planned to go to the drag race that Saturday, but my wife reminded me that we had promised to help paint. Well, thing's didn't turn out the way I thought they would. My wife's sister came into town with her new baby, so Auntie and I were left painting along with a Black Lab dog. If anybody knows anything about Black Lab's, you know that their tail is a weapon. As luck would have it, I was up on a ladder with a full tray of paint when Onyx, the Lab, came running through the hall and bumped the ladder. His tail also hit the stand that had the open paint can. The next thing I knew, I was covered from chin to knees in mint green paint. In no time, I was stripping my clothes off in front of Auntie and standing there naked with the residue of paint down the front of me. Auntie handed me a towel and said, "Quick, into the shower!" After a ten minute shower, two washcloths, and a half bar of soap, I stepped out only to find out I had nothing to wear except a towel. My wife's aunt had put all my clothes in the wash for me. Kind of joking, I said, "Would you have a nighty or slip I could wear?" She led me into her bedroom and opened a dresser drawer. She then pulled out five slips and told me to take my pick. I just dropped the towel, picked up two slips, and handed her one of them. The next five hours was the best sex education I could have had. I also forgot that she was widowed for three years, and I didn't mind not making it to the drag's.

— Allen, 47

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