Lost Love

Oh, how I miss you. You are so kind, smart, sexy, and loving. We always had so much fun together. Hardly ever a dull moment or a cross word. Remember how each others' skin would feel when we'd lightly caress one another? Yours was tingly to my finger tips, and mine to yours. Remember that? Oh we had such a connection. And the sex was the most incredible I ever had. And the conversations! Oh, the open and heartfelt conversations we had. I recall us looking deeply into each other's hazel eyes and we both experienced a profound soulful connection. You talked about it several times, and I knew you felt the exact thing I did. It was just joyful. However, I realize that I was just an asshole as most guys can be. I was so afraid to get close to you because of my job obligations, all the other women I would and did meet on my travels, and the fact you had six kids. You are such a good mom too and those kids are lucky. I felt that so many children would be an incredible obligation to take on, and it scared me so much. Nearly at every opportunity I had, I cheated on you with dozens of women, as an attempt to keep a wedge or a small bit of distance between us, and I am sorry. You complained that our relationship was "casual", and I knew you were hurt by my keeping it like that. I hope you now understand. One of the girls I met resulted in a relationship - she is fun, loving, smart, and creative. I soon found that I loved her very much, but I still loved you just as much as ever. Is it possible to love two people totally and completely? I feel that it can happen. I was so torn between you two great ladies, and you had no idea of her or my dilemma. I kept you in the dark totally and began to pull away. I drifted further and further away from you. After a couple of years, I married the other girl. I have no regrets and I am relatively happy. I'm glad that I'm married, but I can't help but wonder how things could have been between us. I think about you every day. I love my wife though. She is happy and I am happy. We have great fun together and have a good relationship. But my love for you still flickers in my heart. I check your web pages often just to see if you're still listed as 'single', and you are. Are you waiting for me still after all these years? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Do you still love me as much as you once did? I know I still love you as much as I ever did. Yes, I cheated on girlfriends before, but I could never cheat on my wife, so that is why I haven't reached out to you. I've fantasized about secretly contacting you, but I think you'd be upset if you knew I was married. I am so sorry if I hurt you. I love you with all my heart and I do hope that some way, somehow, some day we can once again, just for a fleeting second, feel one another's' loving touch. Lost love is so painful and I don't think I will ever get over it.

— Bob, 43

Love Library: Featured Articles