Heart Is Somewhere Else

Let me first say that this confession should not be misconstrued to be some sordid or tawdry posting. With that said, I've been in love with him since I was fifteen, and I believe he's genuine when he says he feels the same. Our love was one with many boundaries and, in a momentary lapse of sanity, our relationship came to an end. We would both enter new relationships only to find that the wholeness we felt with each other was not to be felt with any other person. I'm currently involved with a man whom I love dearly, but our relationship is not perfect, but what relationship is? He refuses to express himself to me (saying "I love you" is like pulling teeth), and he finds it hard to pay me even a single compliment. I've accepted this for many years, but it's now beginning to take its toll on me. I question if I can live the rest of my life this way. It is at this moment in my life when the love of my life returns to reclaim my heart. Like I mentioned before, I have always loved him, and it was very natural for things to progress the way they did. After reconnecting and having daily talks, we wanted to see each other face-to-face to find out once and for all if things were the same, or if we would have nothing in common and decide to part as just friends. It so happens that when we met each other again after almost ten years of separation. It was as if we never missed a beat. I saw in him as a matured version of the guy I fell in love with at fifteen and was instantly smitten. Inevitably, we made love, and it was as wonderful and beautiful as the first time. He said everything I've been longing to hear for these past years, and I felt as if I belonged to him again. But we would have to leave each other, not knowing when next we would meet. It was the first time I'd stepped out of my relationship, and he his, but oddly enough I don't feel guilty. We continue to speak on a daily basis, and we have both decided to end our current relationships. I don't think it's fair to my boyfriend or me to stay in our relationship if my thoughts and my heart are elsewhere.

— Heidi, 26

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