Can't Figure It Out

About a year and a half ago, I met a guy named Luke. He was so hot. At the time, I had a boyfriend, but we became best friends. About three months after I met him, I broke up with my boyfriend and realized that I had a lot of feelings for Luke. But he had waited too long and just wanted to be friends. He had liked me the whole time. We talked every night and hung out all of the time which made it all worse because I loved him so much. He would always give out hints that he still liked me, and he always said that no matter what, no one would come in between us. About two months later, Luke came over to my house unexpected. I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to have sex with guy I loved. He loved me, he said just, "Not in that way." By this time, Luke and I had become so close it scared me. My whole family loved him, too. But after that, all he wanted was sex. He still gave the best friend qualities, and we hung out all the time, but it just wasn't the same for a while. Then it got back to normal. Then one day right before summer when I had just started talking to another guy (who is now my boyfriend), we skipped school and went to his house and had sex there. Well, about two weeks after that, my boyfriend and I now just started going out. Although the whole summer I was hanging out with Luke, the whole time my dad didn't like my boyfriend. They still wanted me to go out with Luke, but I had been trying at him all year. Well, I completely fell in love with my boyfriend. We have the best time, and he makes me so happy. When summer got over, Luke started going out with a girl that I totally don't like, and I wasn't used to him liking anyone else like he liked this girl. They still date, and so do me and my boyfriend who I am totally in love with. But I constantly find myself thinking about Luke. When I see him in the halls, he talks to me like nothing is wrong. It kills me, but I would never tell my boyfriend about how I feel because it would kill him. I love my boyfriend now out loud, but secretly I am still deeply in love with Luke. I'm never going to figure this one out.

— Jenny, 19

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