Undecided

My issue is that I am so confused about a coworker who is twenty-four years old. When he first arrived at the job where I bartend, I was the one who trained him. The girls went crazy for him because he's a very hot guy. I always kept my cool. As time when on, I fell for him because he always flirted with me. He didn't do it openly but only when we were alone together. Since I am a very reserved person and different than most bartenders because I don't curse, drink a lot, or smoke. I am not religious but have a strong sense of morals. Based on this, he knew how different I was and how proud and confident I feel to express my views if asked how I feel about something. I respect individuals and their views, especially his. What I don't understand is why he would flirt with me while he had a girlfriend for a year. He has always told other people in front of me how awesome his girlfriend is. He always looks at me when he says it. I, on the other hand, always agree with him and pretend that it doesn't bother me. His girlfriend is very different than I am. She smokes, gets drunk, parties, and does all the fun things he also does. I, on the other hand, am a full-time college student trying to make ends meet by working hard. I also don't do any of the things he and she do, not because I don't want to, but because is not part of my personality. What really made me fall for him was when last month when we were getting the duties done and when I was not even looking at him, he told me out of the blue, "I love you." I didn't looked at him but just kept on doing my duties. I then responded back with an, "I love you, too, but not when you're angry." I said it in a way that he would not take it seriously because he has a girlfriend. But after his girlfriend came in and I saw what a nice, outgoing girl she is, I decided to end any sort of romantic flirting with him, even though I have never flirted back except for that one time. I had to ask myself, what am I doing liking a guy who is already taken? So, at my job I have put a distance between him and I. I treat him just like other coworkers and only engage in small talk about work. I am doing this for myself, for him, and most of all for the respect that I believe his girlfriend should receive. So, to get him to stop paying attention to me, I sent myself flowers. I wanted him to believe that I was dating so he would give up trying to do any of the things he used to. This also helps because it drives him away and I can focus on other things. It is hard at times because I still care for him a lot. For the past couple of weeks I've seen him starring at me a lot. He looks at me, and as soon as I catch him, he turns around. I don't say anything and try not to make a big deal of it and just go about my business. My question is this, does he feel something for me because I can not figure it out? Also, if he does, I don't want anything to do with a man who is already taken. I wish I knew what I could do to just get over him and move on with my life.

— Rochelle, 21

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