This Is Karma

I cannot stop behaving in a certain way. I do what I want without consideration of others. I sleep with whoever I feel like. I have been with so many men, and I feel sick thinking about it. I was abused as a child, but isn't that the same old, sad story? I am twenty-three, and I have two small boys, one seven and one four. They are perfect, and they deserve so much better. I am divorced. My ex, for some crazy reason, won't give up on me. He is not what I want, but he is there for me through everything. No matter what I need, I know I can count on him. I think he is the only person that has ever actually loved me. My parents sure as hell didn't. All of the boyfriends I had before and after him sure as hell didn't. But he even wants something from me; sex, of course. If he didn't have that would he still be there for me? I think not. But, who knows? He knows about what I have done, and he is still there. He knows more about me than anyone. I know he is there if I need him, but I don't want him. I want Eric, but he is in love with his ex. That is karma, huh? I was at his house tonight, and I found her overnight bag. Isn't that perfect? I guess that's what I deserve for hurting my ex so much. I wish it could all be over. I am a horrible person, and yet I am so judgmental of others isn't that crazy.

— Dottie, 23

Love Library: Featured Articles