Totally Clueless

I am a married woman in a relationship with another man other than my husband. I have been married now for over eight years. My relationship with my husband began eleven years ago. He being forty-two years of age, never married, nor did he have any children. When we met, I had just come out of a very abusive twenty year marriage. We had a very normal courtship prior to getting hitched. On our honeymoon, it was very obvious that he said "I don't". We went to Mexico for a five-night stay. Not once did he even try to make a move on me. I could not understand this, and I cried myself to sleep every night. "What did I do wrong?" I asked myself. I even asked him the same question, only to be told that it wasn't me. Well, if it isn't me, then who has the problem here? He would assure me that it wasn't me. One week after the honeymoon, I found out that I was nine weeks pregnant. Wow! My older two children are seventeen years and one who is older than that. So, it was a big shock, but a happy one. My husband seemed very happy with me being pregnant. But along with his happiness, he cut me off cold turkey from any sexual relationship. This hurt me so very badly and continues to do so to this day. He always had a rhyme or reason as to why we couldn't make love, like it would hurt the baby, etc. This relationship is still in the halt mode. Then, all of a sudden, he is insisting that I go out with my friends or family. I could bank on a call every Friday at work, telling me to find something to do. It wasn't that he wanted to go out, as all he ever wanted to do was stay home with our daughter. We never have even once gone out by ourselves without our daughter. He seems to think that once married, with children, you lay down and die when it comes to being a couple. I don't get it. So, with me being pushed out the door on a weekly basis, I met another man. He is more of a friend than I ever had in my relationship with my husband. We steel away whenever I have the time for a couple of hours of pure love making. I have told my husband on numerous occasions that it will happen someday. He tells me that he doesn't believe anything, until he sees it. He tells me that, "We will cross that bridge when we come to it." Is he totally clueless or what?

— Olivia, 40

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