A friend of mine from college had an old girlfriend coming in from out of town, and she was bringing a friend with her. So my friend asked if I'd join them on a double date. We went to an outdoor pub and sat down to enjoy some beers and conversation. The friend was somewhat attractive, so I began making conversation. She began telling me what a big Penn State fan she was. I noticed that she had seven or eight earrings in each ear; they were little Penn State football helmets. I told her I guessed she was a pretty big fan if she had all those Penn State football helmets in her ears. She quickly replied that she had a football-helmet piercing for every Penn State football player she had ever slept with, and began naming them with pride. My interest evaporated immediately, and I took her home soon after. -- William, 30