Search

By Francesca Rockwell

When you start dating someone, do you have a habit of jumping to conclusions too soon about where the relationship is headed?

We all have our hopes and dreams, and our own personal nightmares. Unfortunately, those fears and desires can get in the way and cloud our views about the person we’re dating and the relationship’s possibilities.

Romantic Expectations
Sometimes our expectations manifest themselves as a way-too-rosy view of the future. You might tell your best buddy: “I just met the girl of my dreams! I think this is the one!” Or you say to your BFF: “This guy has it all. He’s the guy I’ve been waiting for. I could really see this leading to marriage!”

Whoa, there! Are you sure you know enough about this special new person after only a few dates to make that kind of judgment call? Why set yourself—and your potential honey—up for disappointment?

If you’re already seeing stars—or diamonds, for that matter—you might want to slow down and take a deep breath. And definitely don’t breathe a word of your suspicions about happily ever after to your new sweetie.

You could blow this thing right out of the water by sharing that premature expectation. Give yourself time to really get to know each other on a deeper level before planning how many children you’re going to have together or where you’ll live when you both retire.

Negative Predictions
But you might also be on the other end of the spectrum—instead of the rosy glow, you see the dark side. You tell your BFF: “It’ll never work. He’s a cat person, and I like dogs. Plus he’s very close to his mother.” Or you say to your buddy: “She’s an accountant. You know I never plan anything more than a day in advance. Our personalities would clash for sure!”

Are you looking for reasons to be alone for the rest of your life? If so, keep on looking for those deal breakers. And whatever you do, don’t give yourself a chance to get to know this cat-lover or accountant type. What if you discover that the cat lover is the kindest guy you’ve ever met and he treats you well? What if you find that the accountant can help you get organized but loves to cut loose on the weekends at football games even more than you do?

Give this budding romance a chance to grow! Remember, you don’t need super-strong miracle growth formula. If it’s meant to flower, then time and attention will get you there. But pulling it out of the sunlight and starving it for water will make certain that your relationship dies a quick death.

Personal Motivations
To give your sweetie a real chance, you might want to try to figure out why you tend to jump to conclusions so quickly. Are you afraid of being alone? Afraid of being stuck in a bad relationship?

If you predetermine the outcome, then your nightmares are likely to come true. Why not sleep on it—for many nights—and see what the relationship looks like in the bright light of reality?

The best kind of mate will keep you smiling when you’re seeing clearly!