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By Francesca Rockwell

Why do so many daters end up haters? Far too many times, it's because the lovers don't say what they mean or mean what they say.

What happens is that good intentions lead them into a bad place. You've probably had it happen to you…someone you're dating will tell you little white lies to avoid hurting your feelings.

Maybe it's a faked response to a gift you gave. “Thanks for the necklace. I love it!” Then you notice that she never wears it.

Or it might be a comment about something you bought for yourself. “No, that dress doesn't make you look like a clown. It's a bright, cheerful color.” You asked, yet you believe that twist on the truth?

You also hear the flimsy falsehoods when you're figuring out what to do together. “Sure, let's watch The Office again. I like it when you turn down the sound and lip sync all the dialogue.” Really?

Feeding the Doubts
Those white lies are forgivable. But when you realize that your sweetheart's lying to you about more important things, that can quickly lead to a lack of trust. “I was coming out of the bank and ran into Marilyn. We popped into the bar next door for one drink, and we ran into your friend Sofia. She might have told you she saw us together.” Um, okay. You just happened to run into each other….

It gets worse when it's about your intimacy. You say, "Since we're sleeping together now, I'm assuming we'll be exclusive." Your sweetheart says, "Oh, right." But then you get that sneaking suspicion that something's not right.

And it's a really bad sign when your partner can't be honest about those deeper feelings. Like when you tell your honey "I love you" for the first time, and you get that awkward pause, and then a mumbled, "Love you too."

Facing the Pain
Let's be honest…the truth hurts sometimes. But dishonesty hurts even worse. It eats away at your confidence, your trust in your mate, the foundation of your relationship and your ability to feel love.

And when all those white or dark lies come out in the light of day, it's an ugly scene. There are no shades of gray when you've been burned by your lover. So strive for the gentle truth, even if that means some painful discussions. It's better than the bitter feelings that come from betrayal, which can lead to public bad-mouthing and social humiliation.

White lies can lead to black days. So don't go there, or your sweetest honey might become your strongest hater. With good reason!