Search

By Laura Snyder

Breaking up is hard to do, they say, but dipping back into the dating pool can be even harder. Your emotions are raw. You've been out of the game. You're not quite sure you're ready to shrug off your bathrobe and join the land of the living.

Suspect it's time to stop wallowing in self-pity and start looking for love once more? Here's how to tell.

Movin' On Motive #1: It's Really, Truly Over

You can't move on if you're still convinced your ex might change his or her mind. Don't kid yourself into thinking you and your ex can still "just be friends." Stop calling. Stop showing up at his or her favorite hangouts. Put away all of the pictures and reminders. Thinking about your ex lets your brain continue to harbor romantic feelings. To really move on, you have to go cold turkey.

Movin' On Motive #2: You're Not Riding the Bitter Bus

You've stopped issuing cynical blanket statements about "all guys" or "every woman." You no longer harbor elaborate revenge fantasies towards your ex. You're reasonably confident you will not dump all of your issues and expectations on any potential new partners. Dating can be a crazy scene; you need to be able to not take it seriously or personally (until you're in a situation where it's serious and personal).

Movin' On Motive #3: You Accept Your Role in the Breakup

It's a lot easier to blame your ex for the entire breakup, but you know you had to have had a (teeny-tiny) role. Examine what went wrong in your last relationship before you jump right into a new one and you'll have a better idea of what you can do right the second time around.

Movin' On Motive #4: It's About You

Breaking up is a grieving process - you lost someone special (or, at least, you lost the idea of it). So don't let well-meaning friends and family press you into dating before you're ready. When you finally feel ready to find a happy relationship with someone (or have a series of happy non-relationships with several someones), then you're good to go.

Movin' On Motive #5: You're Happy (or Getting There)

You're building the life you want to have and not sitting around waiting for Prince or Princess Charming to show up and make your life complete. You've got good friends, feel rewarded either through your career or hobbies, have plans for the future. You're responsible for your own happiness.