Lose Your Love Baggage
By Laura Snyder
It'd be great if every time you met a new lover, you could forget about all the nasty things your ex put you through. Unfortunately, life and love don't work that way. Emotional baggage - any issue that keeps you stuck in the past - can wreak havoc on any promising new relationship. Here's how to dump yours...
Baggage Claim #1 - The Bruised Ego
Break-ups in general are tough on the self-esteem, but when that's coupled with a memory of criticisms from the one you love(d), it can be hard to remember you're worth the affection of someone new. Rebuild your self-esteem by reminding yourself that your critical ex had the problem, not you. Keep a journal or mental checklist of all the accomplishments you're proud of, and make sure to stay in touch with friends and family who value you. Finally, accept every compliment your new love pays you.
Baggage Claim #2 - Suspicion Mission
When you find yourself the victim of a no good, dirty two-timer, it's hard to remember that not every partner you pair with is going to try to get a little lovin' on the side. Fixing the damage of a cheating ex is a hard, but critical, task. Not only will you frustrate your new partner, but you may create a self-fulfilling prophesy by expecting to be treated badly. Start by enlisting your pals to keep your fears in check and remind yourself of what you're getting from your new love -- that you weren't from your ex.
Baggage Claim #3 - Worthiness Woes
Sometimes it's not your ex that's the problem; it's your partner's. You don't know the difference between steam and sauté? She was a gourmet chef. Can't balance your own checkbook? He was a math whiz. Beating yourself up over perceived strengths and weaknesses will not only damage your self-esteem but will leave you wondering if your new honey can't do better. Ditch the obsession with the past and focus on what you and your sweetie are building together.
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