By Laura Snyder

There's a silver lining in that black cloud of your breakup, and it's that you have been given an opportunity to figure out what didn't work and learn from it.

Okay, so that's not reassuring when you can barely dry your eyes. But isn't it better to find some good that can come out of this? So you can perhaps prevent it from happening again next time?

When you're ready to put down the ice cream spoon and wise up from your wounded heart, here's what to ask yourself.

What did you love?

Resist the temptation to throw yourself a pity party, recounting every wonderful detail of your ex and all you're missing. But do think about what you were drawn to in the first place and which of those traits you still value. What requirements will you look for in your next relationship?

What did you hate?

Possessive? Snobby? Workaholic? Obsessed with money? Identify your turn-offs now, and you can avoid spending any more time with someone who will bore you with stories about how much he or she spent on the latest, useless tech gadget.

What didn't you like about you?

What was your role? Even if your ex was mostly to blame, you played some part in it. (Even if that part was just to put up with it for so long.) Your friends may be helpful in letting you know how you changed when you were in the relationship. Did you behave differently? Did your involvement mean you let work slide or gave up hobbies that were important to you? Did your other relationships - those with friends and family - change when you were dating? Think about what you hope to avoid next time.

What would you do differently?

You can drive yourself crazy with "what-ifs" (please don't!), so don't try this exercise until you've recovered from the pain of the breakup. But when you're ready, it can be informative to think about what you might have done differently. Could you have communicated better about your needs? Should you have managed your expectations? Maybe the only thing you'd change is that you'd have broken it off sooner!