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By Terrey L. Hatcher

If you keep getting dumped by dates who weren’t really doing it for you, maybe you need to learn to give it up sooner. No, not that “it”! The relationship, silly! And all that effort you tend to put into making it work.

Maybe you’re an empathetic person. Maybe you’re a problem solver. Maybe you’re always focused on winning. Maybe you’re just tired of being alone and want a partner.

Dump the Dedication
Whatever your motivation is for continuing to work on a relationship that isn’t working, you might need to learn to get better at giving up. How do you do that? Here are some tips for when you need to stop being so patient.

• Put yourself first. If you feel like you keep getting into relationships that aren’t right for you, then you need to get right with your own needs.

• Stop giving the benefit of the doubt. If you find yourself continually making excuses for the person you’re dating, maybe you need to excuse yourself from the situation instead. For a relationship to work well, both people need to make an effort to make it great.

• Value your own views. There’s something to be said for being tolerant of people who look at the world differently from you, but ultimately you need to have some basic views in common if you’re going to enjoy hanging out with each other all the time.

• Seek a happy beginning. We can get so focused on being patient because of the potential for a happy ending together. If this person isn’t striving to make you smile in the beginning, then a happy ending is highly unlikely.

Nix the Niceness
So next time you find yourself trying to blend with your partner’s personality to smooth out any bumps, just stop it! Instead of working so hard to make the other person smile, stay focused on what will thrill you. And don’t settle for less!

All that adds up to being confident about who you are and what you want. Focus on being a stronger version of you, and you might just find a partner who truly sees your strengths and values them as they are—and you!

If not, give it up! Stop trying to fix the unfixable. Just be happy doing you!