Search

If you're feeling frustrated with your guy, feeling like he's giving just enough of himself to keep you hanging in there but not enough for you to feel confident of your relationship, you might be dating an emotionally unavailable guy.

Have you fallen for this type of man before? Even if you recognize your destructive pattern, it can be hard to change.

First, examine why you're hot for a guy whose attraction to you is lukewarm. Perhaps you're protecting yourself, subconsciously trying to avoid falling head over heels in love. With a guy who's not "all in," you can take it slow. You can hold yourself back.

But is that really what you want?

If you're trying to avoid getting hurt, you're setting yourself up for failure. Even if you stay distant and reserved with this guy, you're pretty much ensuring that a breakup is in your future. And no matter how detached you think you are, a breakup still feels like a failure. Even if it's a relief. Even if you're the one calling it quits.

So how do you learn to spot the emotionally unavailable guy? How do you change your pattern? A few clues will help:

• He doesn't seem to have a lot of time to spend with you.
• Most of the time you do spend together involves sex.
• He limits how frequently you have phone conversations, either texting instead or calling several days apart.
• He doesn't seem interested in what's going on in your life.
• You don't hear him talking about his feelings.
• You haven't been invited to meet his friends or family.
• He doesn't plan ahead very far, so you have no sense of a future with him.

If you're involved with one of these guys, you're most likely making excuses for his lack of attention to you. "He's so busy!" "He's afraid of getting hurt." "He cares but doesn't know how to show it."

Stop fooling yourself. He's self-centered and unable to be a giving, caring partner. Why would you want that person in your life?

OK, let's admit it. The sex can be great with an emotionally unavailable guy. You tell yourself that's enough. The chemistry is so electric that you can be patient. Maybe he'll come around and learn to express himself emotionally the way he expresses himself physically. Think again!

Focus on what you need - a real relationship with a guy who knows how to give and take, not just take. Wise up and wave goodbye! Then you'll be available for a guy who's really into you and knows how to show it.