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By Francesca Rockwell

So we all know it, but we just don’t always talk about it…

Communication is one of the biggest challenges in relationships, right?

And it has become even more complicated with so many ways to stay in touch…or not. The questions about how to reach out are endless. Do you text after you just sent a Snapchat? Do you heart something on Instagram? Do you send a Facebook message when you see that your sweetie is on there scrolling?

Or do you just lay low and wait…and maybe wait…and wait even more.

Different Motivations
Sometimes communication is a problem because you and your honey have different styles and expectations.

It may be a cliché, but you guys tend to want to communicate for a reason. Maybe that reason is to make plans. Maybe it’s to make sure your sweetie gets what you need from the grocery store. Maybe it’s to keep her happy when you’re out with the guys. Maybe it’s to get a sexy pic. Maybe it’s just because you’re thinking about her and really miss her.

For you ladies, communication is more about you and him getting to know each other, getting close and staying connected. You want him to call on the phone, send a funny or interesting pic, or comment on your social media. And you like to do the same. To you, that means you care. Faulty Wiring
So what are the disconnects that can cause problems? Here are some of the communications culprits that can drive a wedge into relationships:

• Emailing you after the first date instead of texting or calling. This is just wrong and outdated.
• When he texts a formal check-in just to say hi. He’s not really showing that he cares about what’s going on with you. He’s not saying he wants to get together with you. He’s not filling you in about him or his feelings. He’s just doing his duty.
• She’s on social media but won’t have a real conversation. She wants some attention but doesn’t want to focus on you or your relationship. She wants to be adored but doesn’t want to spend any energy getting closer.
• He always turns the texting to dirty talk. He’s all about what you’ve done for him lately. And if you don’t give it to him, he’ll go on to the other girls in his contact list.
• Texting an emoji with a heart in it after a week of dating. Love knows no boundaries. But how can it really be love after one week? This might be a sign of neediness with a capital N.
• Leaving long voice messages. This person doesn’t want to find a good time to talk that works for you. They just want you to hear what they have to say, on their schedule, and then they will ignore your call when it comes in. They’ll get back to you when they feel like it.
• Not texting--or even liking or hearting or snapping on social media. Not worth your time…next!

Quality Connections
For both sides, communication can give you some clues into your honey’s feelings and personality and help you judge the future of the relationship. If it’s not working for you early on, it’s not likely to work for you later.

Find someone who truly wants to talk to you and shows it. Then you’re likely to go way beyond talking and make a deeper connection that takes you into the future. Here’s hoping you can make that heart-to-heart connection!