Search

OK, we all say we hate playing games in relationships. Yet when you think about how attraction works, you know that a little bit of challenge can be a good thing.

If your new sweetheart is all over you and calling constantly, you can get annoyed. However, if your potential lover shows interest, but seems unavailable at times, you might step up your efforts to solidify the bond.

How many times have you been dating someone and been unsure about how you felt about the relationship? Then when the other person starts backing off, you realize you don't want it to end. So you try harder. You call more frequently. You use those lovey-dovey pet names more often. You express your feelings, finally!

What's Going On?
We all want to be wanted. So she feels it's flattering when you pursue her, telling her how attractive she is and expressing the desire to be with her.

Sometimes that reels her in closer. Sometimes she feels the tension on the line and breaks away to swim in open waters. But the cliché "nothing ventured, nothing gained" holds true here.

Plus, it feels good to take on a challenge that you feel is worth the effort. When you achieve your goal, you feel a sense of exhilaration. That's how the art of the chase works.

Why Does It Work?
In the beginning of a relationship, there's usually a fear of expressing your feelings too openly. A guy might worry that his girl doesn't feel the same way. A female might worry that she'll scare him off if she shows how much she cares too early.

So you hold back, you take a bit of time to return calls or texts. You're not always available when asked.

If the pursuit continues amid a bit of cool behavior, you know you're desirable. That's what we all want, right? To be the object of undeniable passion.

What's the Danger?
There are some downsides to making your potential lover pursue you. If you take the coolness too far, he'll just back off. Or she'll find someone else who responds more quickly and enthusiastically. Your sweetheart could give up in response to the lack of strong interest.

Then what happens? You become the pursuer if you really want to give the relationship a chance. Then the power has shifted.

Even when the tension pays off, you have the challenge of figuring out when to switch from pursuing or being pursued to sharing your honest feelings. You can't keep that tension so tight forever, or you're not having a real relationship.

When Do You Give In?
If you want to keep your lover wanting you, think of the chase as a dance rather than a game. Girls - you need to let him lead at the start, but you also need to pull away at times to tease him back toward you. Guys - she needs you to step into her comfort zone sometimes and pull her close.

All those release and capture moves make the dance passionate and send the message that you enjoy holding each other tight and moving to the music that makes a relationship thrilling.