Search

By Laura Snyder

No one's suggesting you should "settle" - it's good to have standards, particularly when those standards include being able to get along, make each other laugh and generally treat each other well.

But if you size up every potential mate with a mental checklist of specific requirements on age, occupation, income, looks and background, you may be holding yourself back.

Here's how to keep your high standards from keeping you from love.

Don't Date So Seriously

If you look at every date as a potential husband or wife, of course you're going to want to avoid "wasting" your time on folks you're sure won't fit your criteria for the perfect spouse. Shake up your perspective; even if you've got long-term love as your goal, look at dating as an adventure. If you tell yourself you're just interested in developing your social skills and meeting new people, you'll open yourself up to dating folks you wouldn't have before - one of whom might actually be that "perfect" mate.

Look At Your List

Take a good look at your list of 'must-have's and 'must not's. Are they all dealbreakers? Probably not. Decide which ones (a love of the outdoors, for example, or a good relationship with family) are preferences you're willing to overlook, which traits are important but not necessarily deal breakers...and which ones are absolutely non-negotiable. Ideally, you'll have a list of a dozen or so traits, only a few of which are true dealbreakers.

Exacting Standards...or Something More?

Could your picky personality be masking a fear of rejection. Inflating your standards is a form of self-protection; if no one can live up to your expectations, no one gets close enough to hurt you. But finding a great relationship requires being open to all possibilities. At best, you'll find someone outside your standards you'll still think is perfect. And, at worst, you'll realize maybe your priorities are what they are for good reason.