Resolve to Create Anticipation
"Everyone thinks sex should be spontaneous," says Lloyd, "but anticipation is such a wonderful part of good sex." Think back to when you were dating, she says, and savoring the weeklong wait for the big Saturday night out. "Remember how delicious that was?"
In her book 52 Saturday Nights: Heat Up Your Sex Life Even More With a Year of Creative Lovemaking, Lloyd suggests you start building anticipation at the start of the day: "When you wake up, whisper in your partner's ear that you have something sexually exciting planned for that evening. 'Not now,' you say, jumping out of bed, 'but later. Think about it.'" In fact, you don't even need to have something really different planned. "The difference will be the anticipation and the arousal that your comment stimulates."
Build on the anticipation by slipping a sexy note in his briefcase or lunch bag. Call him at the office and whisper a few suggestive words about the night to come. If you can, make a restaurant reservation. Have a long romantic dinner to "draw out the suspense," writes Lloyd. "Remember, we're trying to make the excitement last as long as possible."
And when you're planning your sexy soirees, Lloyd strongly advises that you arrange to "get rid of the kids" so that you can both relax and enjoy your privacy. "If you can't afford a baby-sitter, farm them out to a friend or neighbor." Suggest swapping baby-sitting duties with another busy mom, so that you can both get some alone time with your spouses.
Alternately, ensure your privacy - and enjoy the thrill of a faux affair by "checking into a No Tell Motel," says Lloyd. "Even if it's only for a couple of hours, get away from being Mommy and Daddy, and get into being the lovers that you were before you had the kids."
As you and your partner start enjoying some newfound sizzle, remember to continue communicating. Suggest something different that you know will turn you both on. And don't forget, it's the journey, not the destination, that makes for great sex. "Everybody focuses on the orgasm - and they are important," says Lloyd, "but my husband and I frequently have wonderful sex, and sometimes I don't climax. And it's not a big issue, because I get pleasure from his pleasure."