Stop Making Assumptions About Your Dates
Based on your disappointing dating experiences, it can be easy to feel a bit cynical when a new prospect shows up in your life. You get a weird chill down your back when your new sweetie looks at you a certain way, and you immediately put a negative spin on it.
You might rapidly recoil because you think they're acting just like your past lover did. And of course, one similar slipup means that they're your ex's clone, right? It's the movie remake, and you can predict the plot: "Disastrous Loser Part 2"!
Beware of that distrustful tendency, however, because you could be missing out on some great and unexpected opportunities.
Assuming the worst about your date is actually a good way to hurt your chances for long-term happiness. When you cross someone off your list because you're viewing them through a negative filter without really understanding them, you're playing mind reader.
Think about it: Don't you feel that you're unique and special? So how can anyone know your motivations and feelings without asking you? When you behave like someone else they've been involved with, it doesn't mean you feel the same way or will treat them the same, right?
So be careful about making the same type of assumptions about your dates. Think about some dramatic scenes that might serve as good examples.
Let's say someone told you that by not texting back within 15 minutes, you're signaling that you're not into them. Wouldn't you be pretty irritated? They don't know what's happening in your life on that particular day at that particular time. Or what's in your mind.
Likewise, if your date starts to assume that because you're seeing each other every week you're interested in getting married, you'd be a bit freaked out, right? And rightfully so.
Those are examples of people fooling themselves into thinking they know just what motivates their potential mate. They think they're great mind readers, but they're not.
Everyone is different. Every motivation for dating, communicating and spending intimate time together is unique.
Lay Off and Listen
You thought this fresh new friend had something special that made you want to date them, right? So before crossing them off the list, why not ask why they're not living up to your expectations? Why not ask what's making them back off when they seemed so into you in the beginning? Why not try a little understanding?
Sometimes our view's inaccurately colored by past hurts. Have you ever looked back at an annoying situation and realized that you might have totally misinterpreted it? It's easy to jump to false conclusions that are awkwardly funny in hindsight.
It's harder to be patient and consider factors that don't have anything to do with you. There might be many unusual reasons that your potential sweetie isn't falling all over you.
If you're willing to give your new sweetie a chance, then consider how differently special your date might be. We're all special. And that means that unless you're truly a mind reader, the best way to find out what your sweetie is thinking is to simply ask.
Then you might be super-surprised for a charming change!
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