Are You Underwhelmed by Your Date's Enthusiasm?
You'd like to believe in love at first sight, wouldn't you? You'd like to believe that you'll meet someone and immediately just know it's right. You dream of that moment when each of you thinks at the exact same time: "This is the one!"
In reality, however, usually you meet someone, and you think, "Eh, maybe…" Or occasionally you have a date when you say to yourself, "Oh, yes! I could really see myself with this person for a long, long time!"
But no matter what you're thinking when you meet, you often don't really know what the other person's thinking about you. You certainly know when they're giving off an "I'm really not interested" vibe. You also know when there's some interest, because they keep hanging out with you. But you often aren't sure early on how strong the attraction and interest is.
However, there's an exception. You absolutely know when your new companion goes all out to show you that commitment is the name of the game.
You know your new date's head over heels when…
- You get a lovey-dovey text every night and every morning.
- After only a few weeks, you're invited to the family gathering at the next holiday.
- Adoring messages use the term "honey," "sweetie," or "bae."
So what do you do if all that happens too fast for you? What if your feelings are more "We'll see…" than "Let's spend every spare second together"?
How do you tell that slightly somewhat special someone that you're nowhere near the exclusive stage and you'd prefer some breathing room? How do you communicate that you enjoy their company, but you're not sure if you have a romantic future together?
You have a few options for telling your overzealous companion that you're not on the same page:
- Say that you want to take it slow.
- Take longer than normal to respond to calls and texts, and keep the conversation light.
- When you get the next invitation for a date, say vaguely that you have other plans.
Keep in mind, however, that no matter what you say, your dating partner might misinterpret your intentions. People hear what they want to hear most of the time. And if this person typically falls too far, too fast, then it might be a sign of neediness. They may want someone to spend time with because they're not happy alone.
Shut It Down
If your back-off tactics don't make a dent in your companion's full frontal emotional assault, then you're going to have to get explicit about your feelings, or lack of them.
Be kind, of course, but be clear. This is your life! Don't let anyone give you guilt trips about not returning their feelings.
If your date can't back off and give you space, then you might have to find an exit. If you're involved with an all-or-nothing person, then you have every right to choose nothing!
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