Why Does She Flirt but Not Follow Through?

Imagine this scenario: On a night out with your friends, you meet a girl who's fun, flirty, and seems really into you. You have a great night dancing, drinking, joking around, talking.

As the night wears on, you dance, she flirts, you find ways to make physical contact, you touch her arm, she smiles, you laugh and lean into each other. You feel a real connection!

You talk about your favorite band and the next great local show you're planning to see. You talk about your go-to restaurant. You agree that you should meet up soon!

Before the night is over, you exchange contact info. She may even kiss you as you're going your separate ways with your crew.

Wow! Can't wait to see her again, you think.

The Next Step
The next day, you message her with some funny reference to something that happened the night before and show interest by asking what she's up to.

And then you wait.

And wait.

When she responds, much later, you get something vague like, "Yeah, fun night!"

Weird!? We were really into each other, you think.

So you wait a day or two and reach out again. And wait. And eventually get another vague, light response.

The Step Back
Wait? What happened to the girl who was so enthusiastic and friendly? You wonder what shifted so suddenly.

Did you do something to turn her off? You think back and can't come up with anything.

Here's the deal: You didn't do anything wrong. The only thing that shifted was her perspective.

The Side-Step
She was interested. You didn't imagine that. She was checking things out and trying to get a feel for how you two might fit together.

Here are a few possible scenarios of what might have happened before, during, and after.

  • She just enjoyed flirting with you. She was craving some attention, and you gave it to her. Admit it, she gave you a needed boost too, right? You had fun, but that was it. She's interested in someone else, or she's just not that interested in you.
  • She thought she might be interested in hanging out with you more. You were funny. You made her laugh. And smile. She thought you had potential, and she wanted to keep that option open. But when she thought about in the light of day, she couldn't imagine you two together alone. She couldn't pull the trigger on seeing you one on one. The connection just wasn't that strong.
  • She's scared. She just got out of a relationship. She's attracted to you, but she knows that strong vibe in the beginning can go oh so wrong in the end. She can't handle the emotional roller coaster right now. She can't even handle buying a ticket and getting in the seat next to you. She's not ready for another relationship, so she'd rather stay on the ground thinking about the thrills and chills that are available, but too risky for her right now.

So, in the days after meeting her, how will you know which scenario applies to you? You won't. Sorry, dude!

Step Lively
But if you're lucky, and she wasn't just using you for attention, you might get a chance to find out. If your paths cross again, maybe you'll make a stronger connection. Or maybe she'll have had some time to get over her lost love.

Don't try to guess what happened, and don't judge her. If she's interested, she'll find a way to let you know. And if she's not, you'll know that too.

If nothing else, you were flirt-worthy, so she doesn't think you're a total loser. Enjoy the attention you got and know that you've got game.

Maybe next time you'll find a woman who knows what she wants, and wants you! Keep putting yourself out there and sooner or later you'll cross paths with a woman you can really connect with.

In the meantime, flirt, have fun, and have faith that there's someone out there who will get you!

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