Not Over Her Ex
Q: I am completely in love with a great girl! One problem is she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend, even though it is 100% clear that he has moved on and no longer has ANY feelings for her. The other problem is that I remind her of him which is one reason she says that she can't be with me right now. All of her friends and family tried to tell her that he wasn't good enough for her while they were together. I know that I can treat her better than he ever could. How do I stop reminding her of him? How can I help her get over him? Thanks! -- Al, 23
Dr. Susan: Her feelings about her former boyfriend aren't something you can do anything about. Over time, she'll get over him. And you need to give her that time. Take her at her word that she can't be with you right now. It makes no difference if you can treat her better than he did. That sort of rational process has little to do with her leftover attachment to him. Either she's not ready for a rebound attachment to you, or she's just giving you that as an excuse. There's no way to know. All you can do is hang around for as long as you can stand it, if she lets you. But don't push her. The timing may simply be wrong.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.