Little Time for Him

Q: For about three months, I've been dating a girl who has a young son. We hit it off right away, but she hadn't been in a relationship for three years, so I moved slow. She is a club dancer and I am a race car driver. The only time we could spend together is when I wasn't on the road if that matched her work schedule. I was falling in love with her and said that if she didn't feel the same that we should not go further. She said she had feelings for me and would like to see me more outside of work. I showered her with flowers and little romantic things. She was appreciative but always reserved. I must tell you we never had sex, we both agreed that we needed to be more involved before making that commitment.

The other day I talked with her and stated that I was not getting much emotional support from her and I was on overload with my feelings for her. I asked if there was anyone else in the picture. She said that there was no one else and if she had time that she would definitely what to spend more time with me. She said, however, that with the pressures of making a living and spending the little available free time with her small son, she has no room in her heart for a relationship now. She still wanted see me but with the understanding that we are friends. I asked her if she wanted me out of her life and she said absolutely not. She said that she has no luck with relationships as they all end like this. A woman like her doesn't come around that often. I am very picky and haven't spent this much emotional time on a woman in years. I don't want to lose her but can't go on like this either. It's killing me. -- Cliff, 45

Dr. Susan: I think you have already lost her, or never had her. She's being pretty clear to you that she has no time for you and may not have time in the foreseeable future. Work and single motherhood are a challenge, but when she says she has no room in her heart for a relationship, that's what really says it all. She's not as taken by you as you are by her. No sex, no commitment, no time, no room in her heart. Perhaps her intimacy needs aren't very great, and she gets all the male attention she really wants by way of her job. It's an old story: she wants to be friends only, and you want more. You're probably wasting your time and emotional energy here.

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