Her Cheating Heart
Q: I was engaged to a girl and called off the wedding because she was cheating with her old boyfriends, including one she has known for 10 years. She said she wanted to get married but she was dragging her feet. She also says that she has never been faithful to any of her boyfriends, but that she has stopped seeing the old friends. She claims she wants to be faithful and still be together. She still wants to keep proceeding like nothing happened. Should I believe her? -- Sam, 30
Dr. Susan: Absolutely do not believe her. You would be a total fool if you believed her at this point, based on absolutely nothing but her promises. You can't possibly want to commit permanently to someone who admits she's always been unfaithful, to others and to you. What she needs to do is prove she's an honest loyal person. That will take some time, and she will have to be much more open with you from here on out. No, she shouldn't get away with acting as though nothing has happened! Something major has happened: she cheated on you. Until she acknowledges that she has hurt you a lot, and makes plans to be a much more above-board sort of person, you would be wise to back off and keep your heart out of her clutches.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.