Dating a Back-and-Forth Girl
Q: I've been seeing a 26-year-old girl for about five months. I thought everything was fine until I found out she was seeing her ex-boyfriend, too. I helped pay for her college and paid all her bills. I'm also very close to her five-year-old daughter and would do anything in the world for her. I'm very much in love with this girl, but she said she needs to give this guy a chance because she never has. Do you think I am wasting my time with her? -- Doug, 37
Dr. Susan: You are wasting time, money, energy, and love on her. And confusing her poor daughter no end. Your girlfriend has lied to you, taken your money, and gone back to her ex -- if she ever left him -- to whom she no doubt has been lying also. She doesn't seem to know what she wants. I don't know precisely what she means by "giving him a chance," but I would stop all contact with her, until she stops all contact with him. And then the burden of proof will be on her if she wants you to trust her ever again. Your heart must be aching, but she has to commit to being loyal if you're to have a future with her.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.