Not Sure He Loves Her
Q: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the past seven months. She is always telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of her life. My problem is I don't know if I actually love her back. I tell her I love her, and for the most part I think I do. I really don't want to keep a relationship going because I am unsure, but I don't want to lose her. What do you think I should do? -- Robert, 25
Dr. Susan: You need to be more honest with her. It's simply unfair to tell her you love her when you're not sure you do. I suggest a gentle conversation about your relationship. Let her know you're just not sure about "forever" yet, but you don't want to lose her. It often takes longer than half a year to be ready to make a commitment that you are able to stick with for the rest of your life. Tell her you love being with her, but need more time before you can be absolutely certain. She may be hurt, and she may want reassurance that you're not seeing other women. Just don't make the mistake of giving her a list of reasons you're not sure she's perfect enough for you. She'd never forget them.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.