Break-Up Doesn't Fit
Q: I just ended a four-year relationship with my high school sweetheart. Actually she broke up with me because she claims she wanted to be independent and to make a better environment for our child. She has a male friend whom I have never seen or met, though he knows everything about me. Every time we had a problem, she would run to this guy. One morning on my way to work he called and that is when I became suspicious. She is never home and she is always on the run. She said she never told me about him because she didn't want me to fuss about it. Do you think she cheated or what? Even though we're not together we have sex every day. Do you think she will ever confess to work things out? -- Anthony, 20
Dr. Susan: I'm not sure I'm clear as to what the status of your relationship is right now. You don't live together (or do you?), you have a child together, and you have sex daily. But she has this other guy who knows about you but you don't know anything about him. Whew. Yes, I think she's cheating with this other guy, even if she's not necessarily sleeping with him. At the very least, she's hiding something and not behaving like a partner to you. Adults don't behave this way. Parents of a young child should not behave this way. If I'm confused, and I've heard it ALL, then sooner or later your poor kid is going to be very confused also. Will she confess? Not if she's getting whatever she wants without having to do so. Both of you need to face reality and tell one another the real truth. And make some plans so you can truly create a good environment for your child -- together.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.