How Long Should a Man Persist?
Q: Every so often I think of past relationships with women I met when I was young and single. I had a few situations along the way where the lady that I loved and wanted to marry said, ''I love you George, but I am not in love with you." We remained "friends," with me hoping in time that she would really fall in love with me. It was time wasted. It is said that persistence can win a lady's heart, but it didn't work for me. By the way, I'm very happily married, and I also had a 42-year marriage to a woman who is in heaven today.
My question is how long should one persist to capture a woman's heart - a woman who initially rejects you but wants to continue to maintain a close friendship with you? -- George, 86
Dr. Susan: A man probably shouldn't actually try to capture a woman's heart. Rather two people find each other and realize they love one another and are compatible and want to commit to making a life together. At least, in my opinion, that's the ideal. You don't want to fool or persuade anyone into falling for you. And you don't want to push yourself on someone who only wants to be friends. It's your choice whether you want to keep up a "close" friendship with a woman who has rejected your romantic proposals. Some men find it very uncomfortable, while some think it's a worthwhile use of their time. But if you stay friends in hopes the woman will change her mind and realize she loves you in a romantic way, you're probably closing off too many other doors. No really means no, or else someone is playing games. And who wants a woman who plays those hard-to-get games?
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.