Let Feelings Cool?

Q: I have a female friend who I really like a lot but she doesn't like me the same way. So should I stop being friends with her until my romantic feelings go away? The thing is we are really close. -- Jim, 32

Dr. Susan: Only you can decide how much emotional torture you can handle. It's not unusual for "really close" friends to be lopsided in that way, often where the guy feels an erotic charge and the female is happy being just plain old friends. Something hardwired into us, perhaps. Once you have an actual girlfriend, perhaps you will be able to enjoy genuine friendship with this person again. Meanwhile, know you have a choice: treat her non-romantic feelings with respect and don't pursue her that way, or stay away for a while and socialize with other women. Keeping her as a friend could be a wonderful help in your life, but not if you're going to feel discomfort, even resentment, over her choice.

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