Girlfriend Stopped Making Love
Q: My current girlfriend, who is 43, says she just doesn't want sex anymore. As a result, we've had sex only three or four times in the last year. I'm beginning to wonder if it's me she's not attracted to. I have tried everything I can think of. We even went on a romantic trip, but nada. I've tried acting romantically for weeks at a time and asking outright if she wants to have some fun. We get along great, but there always seems to be an excuse. . . tired, headache, that time of the month. Am I stupid? Need some help here. What am I missing? - Robert, 49
Dr. Susan: Nah, you're not stupid. Your girlfriend is probably being honest with you that sexual intimacy is no longer important to her. She's probably dealing with hormonal changes, added to being with you so long that she's having a hard time wanting to bother. I know that's simply unbelievable to most men. All you can do is sit her down for an honest conversation about how important sexual closeness is to you. Then if she won't help figure out how to improve things, you must decide how much you're willing to give up to stay in this relationship. You can't force someone to care. You can't force her to long for intimacy as you do. But perhaps you can get her to be frank about what keeps her from wanting closeness. Sometimes simple changes in your approach can make a big difference.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.