Q: My wife found out I love cross dressing. She is upset I did not tell her years ago. What do I do? -- Dave, 45k
Dr. Susan: Why didn't you tell her sooner? I bet it was due to fear of the reaction you just got. The one thing you don't want to do is blame her for your not telling her. She may be shocked, or dismayed, or hurt, or confused, but on top of that, she may now feel you've been living a lie by keeping this secret so long. It's almost always best to tell the truth about secrets yourself, rather than risk your mate finding out for herself. That only complicates an already challenging issue. I suggest that you tell her you always considered your cross-dressing to be your own private thing, like a personal fantasy. You didn't mean to upset her, and you didn't mean to take anything away from your life with her. Now that she's become aware, both of you could benefit by her learning more about how this habit impacts your sexuality. It's time to talk openly with her.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.