Too Soon to Ask Again?
Q: I am interested in a woman, but I'm not sure if she shares the same interest. We've met over drinks once, which went well. However, since then I don't know where I stand with her. I asked her out for dinner recently, and she very politely declined because she had plans, but said "maybe some other time." I'm considering asking her out to do something again, but it's only a few days after I asked her out for dinner. The only reason I am considering doing it so soon is to see if there's a reason to pursue her or not. What should I be doing differently? -- Tony, 29
Dr. Susan: There is no reason on earth to postpone asking her out again a few days after the first time. It's the only way you're going to determine whether she meant "maybe some other time SOON," or "maybe some other time in another life if you're a different person." You have nothing to lose by asking. Some women make their interest quite clear on a first date over drinks, others will be open to another date but are temporarily busy (really!), and others will let you down gently by turning down the second date with words like the ones this woman used on you. Nothing you have said indicates that you need to worry about doing things differently. Take a chance and ask her again. Meanwhile, try not to think so much in terms of pursuing her, but of finding out if she's interested in pursuing a relationship together.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.