Can't Get Dating Action
Q: I'm a 24-year-old single male and I'm completely lost lately as far as women and dating are concerned. I used to be able to walk into a club or bar and have women approach me, but as of late, I can't get a girl to even look in my direction. My friends all say that I am too intimidating but I think they're just trying to make me feel better about all this. I was going to try the whole personal ads thing but I refuse to pay to get a date. What could I be doing wrong, or what can I do right to score a date or at least get a little attention from the opposite sex?
Dr. Susan: I wonder what your friends mean when they say you're "too intimidating." Could they possibly mean you're arrogant, or have some way of holding yourself that's somehow offputting to females? It's hard to know why you used to be so good at getting female attention and then lost the knack while you're still only 24! Perhaps you took your early success too much for granted and stopped paying attention to women and started expecting them to pay attention to you? You might try to make more of the initial moves yourself instead of hoping women in bars and clubs will simply walk over and say hello.
On second thought, maybe bars and clubs aren't the best way to go for you. Maybe you need a more relaxed venue, where you can meet and mingle and get to know women as people, and they can get to know YOU and how approachable you actually are. Try not to get depressed over all this so soon -- finding compatible dates isn't as easy as some men make it sound.
As for your negative feelings about singles ads: Such ads aren't about paying to get a date. Rather, they're a way of spending a little to make the screening process more efficient. Everyone's using them these days!
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.