Is He Overprotective?
Q: My girlfriend tells me that I am too overprotective with her, that I don't let her go out with her guy friends, to clubs or movies or even friend parties. Now she is trying to make me believe that she is going to a cousin's birthday party by showing me her planner. Should I stalk her or invite myself to the party? I know that she's not going to this party because she told me that one of her friends invited her to her party. Should I let her have fun by herself or should I stick with her? -- Lou, 23
Dr. Susan: And what makes this girl your girlfriend? Sounds as if she prefers to play around than to make any kind of commitment to being with you. If you don't believe her, even though she's trying so hard to convince you that she's not lying, something is seriously wrong with your relationship. No, you should never stalk her. You could certainly ask her why you can't come along to this party. What you really need to do, though, is to figure out what you want from each other. Most men are probably not all that happy about their girlfriends going out with guy friends or to clubs without them. The best relationship is one in which neither of you is hiding anything from the other. I don't see this situation as your being unusually "overprotective." What I do see is that the two of you have very different ideas about what it means to be boyfriend and girlfriend. So talk it over. She can't expect to have it both ways.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.