Go Out with a Liar?
Q: I have a crush on one of my female friends. I love going out and having fun with her, but every time I ask her out she hesitates to give me a straight answer. She recently told me that she doesn't like lying to her boyfriend about us, which she has been doing every time we go out. Apparently that's the only way she can see me. Should I continue going out with her even though she is hiding me from him, or do you think there is something there ? -- Ed, 32
Dr. Susan: Oh, there's something there all right. This female friend of yours is two-timing her boyfriend, and you'd be much better off if you stopped asking her out until she's really single. Big deal that she's "doesn't like" lying to her boyfriend. But she's been doing it. Not because she "has" to, but because she likes the thrill of being with you while she still wants to keep seeing him for whatever reasons. Before you know it, you'll find yourself believing you're in love with her, and that's a dead end for you emotionally. It all sounds rather creepy to me. Find yourself more honest and ethical friends. This relationship is going nowhere fast.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.