Can't Read Her Signs
Q: I am one of the most shy people you will ever meet. I have a hard time starting conversations, and I get nervous easily. I have not had that much success with women, and my shyness has played a big role in that problem. However, I have been the most comfortable around this girl, who is 19 like me, and she seems to be responding well. I have heard from reliable people that she likes me, so I built up the courage to ask her out. She just wanted to stay home, so she suggested I bring a movie and we just hang out. The conversations that night were good, she liked the movie a lot, and it was a fun night. Towards the end, she became a little more touchy-feely, and she showed a couple of "surprising" Web sites (if you know what I mean), all of which she wanted to go to (she is pretty timid). Nothing happened that night, but I really like her, and I want to know if this night was a good sign or not of her feeling similarly. -- George, 19
Dr. Susan: If a generally timid 19-year-old girl wants to hang out and watch a movie with you at home, gets touchy-feely on the first date and shows you some sexy Web sites, you can bet your iPod that she has warm feelings for you. Either that or she's the neighborhood's biggest tease (or worse). Which I doubt very much. I like that you're not jumping to conclusions about this being love, or suggesting she's your soul mate or anything equally dumb. It would be safe to play this by ear, ask her out again, go easy on the touchy-feely and relax! Being a 19-year-old shy guy is no crime. The world is full of them, and many of those turn into great companions and mates. Your shyness will ease up with more experience until it becomes nothing more than a nice gentle aspect of your overall personality.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.