Neighbor is Too Sexy
Q: My wife and I have lived next door to an incredibly sexy and beautiful woman for many years. Her husband passed away a few years ago. She is my wife's best friend. To her I am the helpful guy next door who mows her lawn, shovels her snow, etc., etc., but in reality she REALLY TURNS ME ON! I love my wife, and she turns me on too, but I can't help lusting after her best friend. Am I a perv? -- Tom, 58
Dr. Susan: Not a perv, just an ordinary red-blooded male faced with temptation. And having the temptress right next door (whether she means to be seductive or not) is what's causing your special problem. The usual advice is to take that turn-on home to your wife, who fortunately is still appealing to you, and whom you love. Try it. But if you find that your contacts with the neighbor are causing you a great deal of discomfort, reduce those contacts. Do the yard chores for her when she's asleep or away. Don't hang around unnecessarily talking with her and ogling her. Don't even think of pursuing your attraction to your wife's best friend! Lust is part of life, but sometimes you have to make the hard choice not to go there or risk tearing apart everything you value and love. It might help a little to recognize that the neighbor is basically a stranger compared to the familiar wife you know only too well. It won't reduce the physical pull, but it might help you keep your pants on and your brain in control.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.