Share His Wife?
Q: A co-worker of my wife is sexually attracted to her, and she in turn is sexually attracted to him. He is married with two kids. My wife and I have two kids. I know that neither of them would leave their families. He has asked her for sex, and I know she would like to have sex with him. Should I let her do it? -- Bob, 35
Dr. Susan: Are you kidding? You're either a man who knows no jealousy, or you're the passive type who would ask someone else whether your wife should sleep around. Either way, I think you're asking for trouble. And your wife is asking for VERY big trouble. No matter how sure you are that neither she nor her co-worker would ever leave their families, people have been surprised time and again by how "innocent" affairs have turned whole lives and families upside down. Sexual attraction can easily turn into affection, and affection can evolve into love and a desire to ditch the old partner and start fresh with a new one. My advice would be to let her know that you're fearful of losing her, you can't bear the thought of her having sex with someone else, and you're worried about the state of your marriage. Ask her to please steer clear of this man and to spend some time with you figuring out how to revive your life together. On the other hand, if you really don't care what she does and whether your marriage survives, at least insist she limit herself to so-called safe sex.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.