Why Did She Leave?
Q: I was dating this 19-year-old girl for about 1 1/2 months. We never had any problems and got along so well. We were both so crazy about each other, at least so I thought. It's true that she's been under a lot of stress with financial stuff, and also this is finals week and she's behind in her school work. Last Thursday morning everything was perfectly fine, she called me and sounded so happy, then that night she told me she couldn't do it anymore and needed to leave me. She said that she has too much to do and can't be with me. I haven't really talked to her since. The next day I wrote her a note and gave her flowers, telling her that I cared. Her final test is tomorrow, and I am not sure what to do. She has told some people that I wanted her around too much and that's why she left, but then she told a good friend of mine that she was just stressed and we were taking a week away. I have no clue what is going on and can't figure it out. Can you help me any? I really like her a lot. -- Rich, 24
Dr. Susan: Your girlfriend is young, stressed, and confused. You can't judge the potential for longevity in a relationship after such a short time together. Including you and your needs in the equation was the straw that broke the camel's back. You'll have to wait until her school term is over, then make contact and see if you can get clarity. Perhaps it's as simple as seeing her less often, or of finding ways to alleviate her burden rather than adding to it. Perhaps you need someone in your life who has more time, or who can handle her time better, and who likes you enough to make room for you in her schedule.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.