He Does All the Work

Q: I met a nice woman (she's mid-40s and I'm 50), and we've been out a few times, had good conversations and (her idea) have not gone far physically. I'm pretty sure she's interested, but I NEVER hear from her unless I initiate contact. No e-mail, no phone calls, nothing, unless I go first. If I'm not mistaken, this is the 21st century and phone lines go in both directions. Am I just being insensitive to a possibly old-fashioned woman? She seems very modern and cosmopolitan in every other sense. What do you think? How do I approach this? -- Connor, 50

Dr. Susan: Have you asked her directly but uncomplainingly? Like: How come you never call or e-mail me? Are you seeing other guys too? But keep in mind that you may have set the pattern because you're such a quick caller and e-mailer yourself. So she doesn't have time or need to initiate, since you're doing all the work and seem to be content that way. I see your concern: Are your growing feelings reciprocal? She may be in less of a hurry than you to move things along. Not because she doesn't like you, but because she's less needy to partner up in a more committed way, or because she's behaving like she used to the last time she dated a couple decades ago. You need to get a few more of her cards on the table. There aren't any hard-and-fast rules for dating anymore. If you feel out of sync and you like her a lot, bring up the subject but don't pressure her.

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