Is Foot Fetish Cheating?
Q: My girlfriend's best friend recently started playing footsies with me under the table when we were all out to lunch. When my girlfriend excused herself to go to the washroom, I confided in her friend that I had a foot fetish and that her feet turn me on. She always has a perfect pedicure and wears strappy sandals that show her high arches. The next day she dropped by unannounced to our apartment while my girlfriend was at work. To make a long story short, I practically devoured her bare feet when she took her strappies off. We even played footsies sole-to-sole and the sensation was amazing. Afterwards, we discussed maintaining weekly "sessions" that are strictly foot play, as she really finds it kinky, but no sex of any kind. Do you think this would constitute cheating in a classic sense? -- Chad, 34
Dr. Susan: What's classic here, Chad, is your rationalizing betrayal as "just" something other than cheating. Will you tell your girlfriend about it and get her agreement? If not, it is cheating. It's that simple. And on top of that, you have the nerve to do this with her best friend?! How classically creepy can you get?
There's nothing essentially wrong with having a thing for feet, so long as you find a way to integrate your under-the-table preference (okay, your fetish) into an above-board relationship. Find a girlfriend with great feet who is into having them adored (but not your present girlfriend's best friend, please). Or inform whoever you're dating that you will be playing footsies with other women. But let's get this straight from the outset: You are no different from the man who says he "needs" to get it on with women with bigger breasts or blonder hair or slimmer hips than the woman he's with. Honestly, now, how would you feel if your girlfriend said she really really wanted to touch other men's you-know-whats, not for sex, but because they were "amazing" (and I don't mean feet, but even if women did have foot fetishes, would you agree to her doing what you're doing if you knew it got her excited?)??? Oh, and by the way, she'll start with your friends. And won't tell you with whom or when. See what I mean?
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.