His Wife Too Close to Gay Pal?
Q: My wife shares a motel room with her very close gay friend when they travel to functions. Should one wonder what is going on? They do like to drink and party, so I wonder what happens when the drinks flow? -- John
Dr. Susan: Have you asked her what they do all night? Trust is the main issue here, but there's another one: Do these two know they might be asking for trouble? Talk to her and be honest about how weird their room-sharing feels to you. Keep it casual and see where the conversation goes. They don't share a bed, do they? A likely explanation is that your wife and this gay guy are such good friends by now that they treat one another as equals, like two girlfriends would. And by sharing a room, they not only save money, but they get to chatter away at all hours. The drinking and partying do worry me, however, and I can see why they'd worry you. It's a well known fact that people do all sorts of things they wouldn't ordinarily do when alcohol affects their judgment. This is quite a quandary for you (and for me), I admit. You can't tell her what to do, but you can be absolutely clear to her that you're uneasy each time she goes away with this "harmless" fellow. Because, as any social psychologist will tell you, no one and no situation is harmless given the right (or wrong) set of conditions.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.