Long Relationship Leading Nowhere
Q: Eight years ago I went out with a lady who I work with. We had a great time, and from that point on we would go out from time to time. She is an amazing person, we can talk about anything, and I consider her to be my best female friend. She has gone through a couple of operations in the past three years and I was the one who was there for her. Whatever she needed, I got for her. I recently told her again how I feel about her, that throughout all of these years, she has been the one who I am in love with and I want her to be mine. I was expecting her to come over for Xmas to see me and to get her gift. She called that day to say she was on her way. I have not seen or heard from her since. What do I do? I'm 35. -- Dave
Dr. Susan: Have you called the Missing Persons Bureau? I mean, if she said she was on her way and never showed up or called, I'd worry. Either that or your relationship is much more one-sided than you thought. You have been there for her in her times of need, but she hasn't reciprocated. You've told her more than once, apparently, that you love her and want her to be yours exclusively, and the response you get is underwhelming. She may only be able to think of you as a friend, though she hasn't the guts to tell you so once and for all. Or she has told you and you don't believe it. I suggest you make sure, first of all, that she's among the living. Then stop pinning all your hopes (or any of them) on her. You've been clear about your feelings, and she's been avoiding you. Take the hint, Dave, and move on.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.