He's Changed and Wants Her Back
Q: I recently starting talking to my ex again. When we were together I wasn't very open with my emotions and didn't involve her in a lot of things that I did. I didn't notice how badly it was affecting our relationship until it was at the point where neither of us could deal with anything. We started talking again after about two months, and I confessed to her how I feel about her and that I understand the things that I need to do to make her feel wanted and included. She said that she needs some time to straighten things out and asked if I would be willing to wait for her. I don't want to lose the person that I realize I want to be with for the rest of my life. -- Arthur
Dr. Susan: When your ex says she needs time to straighten things out, I have to figure she's got another guy and wants to decide if she's ready to dump him and go back to you. Keep talking with her and show her you've changed. Share yourself with her, be open and genuine and vulnerable. You have nothing to lose. It's fine to give her some time to decide, but leaving it too open-ended for too long will only cause resentment on your part. Ask her if a month is enough time to wait before seeing each other again. If you don't want to lose her for keeps, you'll need to be patient for a while. Still, there are no guarantees. You're both taking a risk that things haven't really changed all that much for either of you, even though you think you know what went wrong. Good luck!
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.