He Doesn't Believe She Means "No"
Q: I met this girl nine months ago and found out from a friend who is dating her friend that she is interested in me. We see each other regularly in one of our classes and she acts like she doesn't like me. I used to hit on her but gave up once she started being mean to me. I found out she already had a boyfriend. Now I start conversations with her but she only responds with "leave me alone" followed by a giggle, which is good considering it makes my friend's rumor true. When I heard she broke up with her boyfriend, I asked her out on a double date to the movies, but she told me she was going out that day with her boyfriend. It sounded like a lame excuse but the next day in class she declared that she and her boyfriend were back together and told me to never call her back. I also tried getting the truth out of her but ended up getting a slap from her. I don't get it. If she likes me, why doesn't she admit it and goes out with me?-- Rick
Dr. Susan: Rick! Listen up, and listen good. You've told me that this girl acts like she doesn't like you, she's mean to you, she has told you to leave her alone, she has refused to date you, she said never to call her back, and, as if that weren't enough, she has actually slapped you. What part of "NO" don't you get? If you continue pursuing her, you're well on your way to a career as a stalker. She may have expressed some mild interest in you, to a friend, at one time, but that means nothing. Her actions prove, conclusively, that she is NOT interested. Find someone else who returns your warm feelings. Now! (And if you don't understand or agree with this advice, please get some counseling. It will keep you from being beat up by angry boyfriends and will keep you out of jail for stalking.)
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.