Her Feelings Have Cooled
Q: Six weeks ago my girlfriend of seven months told me out of the blue that we needed to take a break from one another. She said that although I'm this amazing guy that she should be running over to my house every day to see, she doesn't feel that way about me. We met when she was just getting over another relationship so at first we took it very slowly and didn't even kiss for a couple of months. Then things got more passionate, and everything was great until the day she asked for a break. Before this, I told her I loved her and she, at the time, couldn't say the same back. She knew that it's only the second time I've told someone I loved them (I'm 36). She admits she over-analyzes things, so is that what this is? I'm giving her time and space, though now when the topic of "us" comes up she gets defensive. -- Jake
Dr. Susan: Feelings come and go, but real love, when joined with commitment, goes on. Your relationship has clearly lost its early glow for your girlfriend. She thinks love means wanting to run over to your house all the time, but it doesn't. It does mean you're delighted to share your life with someone, but not that you don't have a life of your own besides. The fact that she gets upset when you try to talk about the two of you suggests she may be trying to let you down easy. Truly giving her time and space would mean not pestering her at all about the relationship until she brings it up. It's going to hurt, but be prepared to accept the fact that this love affair may be over. Love doesn't ask for breaks.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.